Utopian Dream: Entry for Love Struck Writing Contest

"To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real."
I Miss You -Incubus

I don't really have any idea how to start this one. Pero ang gusto ko nagun eh mka habol sa contest na ito. bakit naman? Not for the reason of winning any price but because I know this is my chance to tell the whole world about my story. Hindi po life story ko, instead it's all about the love I have for Peterson, my partner in life. I just want to share my story. This is the best chance for me to do so. Okay i think I'm ready for this so here it goes.

5 years ago, sa college pa ako nun, I met him unexpectedly. I was in my 2nd year in college and was also in the process of mending a broken heart. Nasaktan talaga ako dun sa last relationship ko, but then if I would really think about it I don't even know if I can call it a "relationship". Eh kasi ang dali-dali naman nung natapos. But either way nasaktan parin ako. So just like any normal person na broken hearted, I looked for ways to moved on. Aside from hanging out with my friends magdamagan, overnights at mga ano-ano pang gimik, I was having fun with this particular channel sa cable. Let me recall it's name ah, uhmmm.. was it CHAT TV?? I'm not very sure though. It's a channel wherein you send a text message sa number na pinapakita nila sa screen and then lalabas yong message mu sa tv. Ganun yon. And i got stuck with that for sometime! Haha ewan ko if mahihiya ako o ano. Hindi pa kasi uso ang Friendster nun eh. Then, one day I found out that my ex was doing the same thing. He even posted his landline number to get girls to call him. Seeing that pissed me off. I wanted him to know that i was also there. So i also posted my number, both landline and cellphone number pa. Para lang makita niya name ko sa screen, familiar naman siya sa number ko, so malalaman niya talaga na ako yun. I never had any intentions meeting anybody. And then someone started calling sa landline namin and at the same time sent me a text message telling me to answer the phone. But i never did. Duh paki alam ko sa kanya. But then ang kulit so i gave in and gave this guy a chance. He was quite sensible to talk to and I found out that his name was Peterson. It was just a short chitchat. Binigay ko pa number niya sa friend ko kasi I was not at all interested. They were supposed to meet kasama pa nga sana ako but it was canceled, or di yata siya simipot. I can barely remember. Then bigla nalang hindi na siya ng paramadam. I just let it be.


A couple of months passed nag paramdam siya ulit. That was the time where we became friends na talaga. Panay tawag niya sakin and we enjoyed talking to eachother. Every conversation was never a waste of time. And kulit niya and sarap kausap. This time I found out that meron siyang dugong maharlika! hahaha Joke lang po. Meron siyang dugong Chinese, mom and dad niya are half chinese. And was raised with Chinese culture though sabi niya hindi daw niya yun na adopt! lol He was months younger than I am and he is currently in a crisis. He's having a hard time coping up with the changes sa life niya. Nag ka problem kasi sila sa family business nila and yun mejo down sila. You know how it goes nung mga kabataan pa diba, when you have someone calling you constantly it's a sign na interesado siya sau and yun din yong sa amin. We planned seeing each other but it never happened. Until one day while having lunch he called me. Asking me for directions that will lead him to my house. So yun na nga he went to my place. He didn't really came over to my house, we just met in a cafe blocks away from my place and then talked for a couple of hours. And that night he called me saying that sigurado he'll fell for me daw. Hahaha The phone calls continued and we became good friends na. We even set dates para mag kita pero seldom lang naman kami ng kikita. I became his sumbunggan sa lahat ng problema niya. He needed someone to talk to, someone yung makikinig and also is sensible enough to give him words of encouragement every now and then. Someone who would just listen without judging him or anything. He found that someone in me. Until one fateful day ayun na! Na fefeel ko na! I was slowly falling for this guy. I can't help it naman kasi, he told me alot of things. Yung about sa amin, that we could be together. I think niligawan na nga niya ako but I was too numb to see it. Eh kasi I want him to really say the words, gusto ko yung galing talaga sa bibig niya kesa naman mg aasume ako na mahal niya ako. Duh! And isa pa di namn kasi kami always ng kikita. We were really close na kasi we could really be honest with eachother. Very honest that one day he just told me that me girlfriend na pala siya! 9 months na sila but on the rocks ang relationship nila. Kumusta naman ako ng sinabi niya yun?? I played it cool. I understood perfectly well. Unexpectedly after that it seemed that he never told me that at all. He still called me almost every night, walang humpay na phone calls and text messages. Meron pa nga na kinukulit niya ako sagutin yung telepono madaling araw na kasi he's not feeling well daw. Eh ako naman masyadong mabait at concern na concern sa taong ito, hala sige I just listened to what he would tell me. Badtrip siya sa girlfriend niya, kasi daddy niya ito, mommy niya ganun. He kept me thanking for eveything I was doing for him. For simply being there to listen.


Until I really fell for him. Then one day he asked me a hypothetical question. He asked me what if someone likes me so much to the point na mahal na yata niya ako but then he is tied in a relationship, but he doesn't want to let go of me. Papayag ba daw akong pang pangatlong girlfriend sa taong yun??? I was not able to say a word. I was so damn sure that the person he was setting as an example was himself. Wow panagtlo?? Sakit naman. I said NO, ayaw ko mang gulo sa buhay ng iba at manakit sa kapwa ko babae. Seldom nalang siya tumatawag and meron mga panahon na pg siya yung tumatawag ayaw ko ng sagutin, ayaw ko na siya kausap. I just felt bad. And you know what he suddenly stopped calling me. I waited for days, then months. And realized that he was not coming back. And this time I was pretty sure that I am loving him. I wanted to talk to him but I never had the guts to call him. I just waited. I cried. I was hurt. Until I decided to move on. Anyway sabi ko wala namang nawala sakin. He never even became mine. It was a game I cannot afford to play. Pero ang sakit. Nasaktan ako, ang sakit pala mg mahal sa taong d pwede maging sayo. Pwede naman sana, pero sabi nga nila hindi lahat ng pwede ay tama. Everyday he was in my thoughts and I just kept on thinking of the “what ifs”. And i felt really bad, it was like pina-asa niya din ako. Tapos me girlfriend na pala siya, gagawing pa ako 3rd party! Or 4th pa ata, ano ba yan. Ganun ba talaga siya ka gwapo huh!?? But then I was helpless I already fell for him. I just waited for the pain to go away.

Almost a year had passed. Patapos na ako ng 3rd year nun. He was already out of my mind. Kakagaling ko lang sa trip nun from Cebu. It was two days after Valentines Day. Nasa bahay ako nun when the phone rang. I answered it, the very moment i heard the other person said my name, I know exactly who it was. I can never be wrong and indeed it was him. He was actually calling me the passed few days but wasn't able to talk to me because I was in a trip. We talked for hours just like how we used to do. Parang hindi nga siya nawala at parang hindi niya ako nasaktan. We we're still good friends. By that time break na sila ng girlfriend niya. And again he kept on calling me constantly everyday pa naga halos.And what I felt for him came back. Hindi naman pala siguro yun nawala, siguro ng pahinga lng, ng hihintay sa tamang panahon. Merong time na ngkikita kami pero hindi naman parati. Months passed he then told me that he'll be living na. He'll pursue his studies in Cebu and will be living there for years. Now here we go again, he's leaving me again. We were always “more than friends but not quite lovers”. Mahirap ha, this time things between us were already set clearly. Almost nga lang. He never committed himself to me though he promised that he'll be coming back for me. He made a promise that he'll going to set his life straight and hoped that when time comes and things will rest to their rightful places, ours will be with each other. I was afraid of everything he had said. So many promises and i even wondered if those would come true. Hoping and trusting his words will be a great risk, so i didn't put my heart at stake. He asked to see me before he leaved but I did not went to see him. And so he flew to Cebu leaving me with promises. I secretly wished na sana nga mag katotoo but then the world is so big for us. We did not commit with eachother kasi pareho kaming open sa possibility na baka may makilala at magustohan pa kaming iba.Umiiwas lang kami sa possibleng magiging gulo kung ganun nga ang mangyayari. But in our hearts we hoped that when the time comes na okay na ang lahat ng bagay eh pwede parin kami para sa isat-isa. Hahaha Grabe noh. You may find it corny but that was the truth. I was then left in davao longing for that very day he'll step back in my life. But it seemed impossible, and said to myself that he'll always be a dream for me.

He pursued his studies in The University of San Carlos. We still communicate with each other and eventually we subscribed sa SUN network so that we still can call each other any time of the day. Finally he asked me to become his girlfriend. Yes, just over the phone but I felt the same way so why make things hard for myself. So i eventually said yes not minding what would be the result of this. What mattered to me was that he makes me happy and he feels the same way. Tapos! Yun na yun.


I really wondered if it's going to last. Knowing that I've never been in a long distance realtionship and diba reason namin nuon baka we might fall for someone else while being commited with eachother. If ganun, pano na? It came out that he was serious about me and with his plans. During semestral break he went home to Davao to be with me. We were together everyday for two weeks. There I saw how he really cared for me. On the day that he was about to go back to Cebu, he cried hard and hugged me so tight. I was awestruck with his gesture and found myself crying as well. There I realized that I have finally found someone real and was overwhelmed with how much this guy is making me happy despite the set-up that we have. I felt loved by him. But things were not really that easy. There came a time that they had conflict with my dearest friend. The very person whom I expected would be his friend too. But then it didn't happened like that. It came to a point that everyone in my circle hated him. I was very hurt but i sticked it out for him. I didn't cared to a single word they said, i felt that he was the only friend I have. And we fought till the end. We were tested several times but then he never let me go. And I am just thankful for that. No matter how many times people say that we are two different persons, we still clicked. Little that they know we have a lot of things in common and we understand each other. Sabi pa nila "pag ako girlfriend niya nako di ako tatagal sa taong niyan!", "Nako npaka immature naman!"," Hiwalayan mo na yan". One time pa when I went to class and I was a bit gloomy. A friend asked me if there's any problem. And then she concluded, Hiwalay na kayo? I didn't answered and suddenly she was jumping pumapalakpak. As if she was really happy. Sakit naman nun. As in, ang dami pa. I was very hurt sa mga comment nila but then hindi ako ng padala.I just cried my heart to him, i told him everything about that. But he told me that what matters is that we love eachother. And huwag kami papadala sa ibang tao. Ang importante is kaming dalawa anf ung mga pamilya namin. But It was very ahrd for me cause I love my friends so much. Aaminin ko may mga flaws siya, marami. But then the love I have for him made me accept him and understood him perfectly well. And also he tooks really good care of me, never did he let me feel that I am less important with other things. So ano pa ba mhihingi ko.

On January 2006 he went home here in Davao and stayed here for good. We had hurted each other, made eachother cried but then at the end of the day we were able to understand and forgive each other. And never gave up giving love a second chance, a hundred chances rather. No matter how hard the waves rocked our boat, the wind would always blow us safely on land. Coming out strong and still together. We are together for almost three years now. We are so much stronger, specially now that we have baby yenyen that is Ayne Selwyn Du. He's the little angel Peterson has always dreamed of having. I still love him so much all through this years. All those years I have proved that his love for me is genuine and I will doubt him about that. My love for him even grew stronger and I am so proud of what he has become. I could see that me and baby yenny are his priority. And now we are starting to build our own family. He will forever be my companion in this life's journey. As I look back on the years even before he was mine natatawa lang ako. Ikaw rin, kung me tao na akala mong hindi na mapapa sau, wag mawalan ng pag-asa. You'll never know how fate works. One day he may strike his magic wand on you. And you may wake up seeing the person you dreamed of lying next beside you. :)